Sunday, February 12, 2012

Surviving the silence

Many of you don't know me or have ever met me .. I have very little trust in men.. and even then I am nervous..  after 2 rapes and being abused and touched from my Bio father .. I am afraid of them.. I am engaged to a man.. but my fear of being hurt is still there. He treats me like a queen, I love him more than life .. but even while making love its hard for me to feel alright . Its reliving and feeling the things that finally made me feel like it was time to talk.

I have been silent for almost 8 years. It has been a life of looking over my shoulder and loosing relationships with the ones I love. I am practically powerless when my flashbacks hit.. but the thing is .. I SURVIVED IT .. I look around me and see so many people and wonder .. have any of them felt what it's like.. have they felt the pain .. gone countless nights without sleep.. maybe someone around me would know

I recently opened up about it to my family and am finally telling my story  .. I called RAINN and started getting help. So if anyone can see surviving the silence is much harder than being able to let go.. I can talk with a smile and I can sleep most nights without a nightmare ..